Alfie a.k.a. QuantumCaza
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Alfie Londoner #267


Uses vlogging to express himself

Provided by
1000 Londoners

My PTSD started when I was 18, it all happened because I got bullied in primary school and secondary school, quite horrifically. And while that was going on, there was domestic violence at home. I didn't socialise, I was, anxiety kind of took over the majority of my life. I could be walking on the street and everyone else is normal and I'm just that one blue flame that exists. I'm a regular here, I've been coming here for like 3 years, almost every single day, I get the same drink, This was my way out, I used to come here, sit in the corner, listen to music and just watch life go by. Music is just like a gateway for me, it helps me. I listen to a variety, like from Motown to Linkin Park to Eminem, because they just give off different vibes. One of my passions is vlogging. I like to vlog because it lets me express myself and it gives me a focus. It hypes me up for no reason. Other than Starbucks, this is another route I take. I'd walk along the canal and I'd walk past YouTube HQ, that's over there, and I just look at it and just think to myself: one day Alfie, one day you'll be there. What I enjoy about being an inspiring YouTuber is that I get to express myself, I get to be myself. I'm trying to be the voice, the small voice that will make a big impact in the world. Right, I'm not in that same circle: wake up, sleep, go to work in an office. I don't like that circle. The creature on my hat is a salamander, he's in fact my YouTube logo. Do I think I'm the next big thing? I don't wanna be overconfident but I know I've got that magic stuff like, you know like the stuff in Space Jam, you know when Bugs Bunny comes up to, he comes up to Michael Jordan and says 'here, have the stuff' and they drink it and then like they get all powerful. Yeah, I've got that stuff. I get a fair amount of support from my friends, family, not so much the doctors, I guess, but yeah. What I did was quite risky, I could have lost like family members and friends to this, to this oppressive state. Never give up, 1 thing like my acting teacher told me once 'it's ok not to be ok'. PTSD affects everyone in different ways, it's like a river it doesn't just go one way, it depends on the current. So all I can say is like: you're not alone.

Alfie Londoner #267 | 1000 Londoners | 22nd Jan 2018

Alfie a.k.a. QuantumCaza is a young YouTuber from Angel, Islington. He suffers from PTSD and vlogs to express himself and to find focus. Alfie's experienced hard times, but he has learned to 'never give up'.

This Film was made by a group of young people aged 14-21 during a project which took place over the summer of 2017 at Lift Youth Hub, Islington. Facilitated by professional filmmakers from Chocolate Films, the participants were able to develop key camera and production skills whilst exploring the stories of their chosen Londoners.